


love bites so deep we got tiger teeth

by softzindagi



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Harry is an actor, M/M, Reunion Fic, alternative universe, basically this is a lot of pain but remember its a reunion fic, liam is a music producer, post break-up au, this isnt explained as much in the fic but i hope this clarifies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-12 04:50:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13540041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softzindagi/pseuds/softzindagi
Summary: And he can't seem to shake it. He can't seem to shake Harry from his mind because Harry had been so enriched in everything Liam’s done for the past two years that Liam can't find a rhythm without him.And damn it, he is trying.or: Harry breaks up with Liam and Liam tries to deal with the aftermath.





	love bites so deep we got tiger teeth

_ “You’re really leaving me,” Liam says, his voice raw in its sadness and hurt. He can only really pinpoint his emotions as betrayal. All the other emotions that come with a break up are there, but right at the top is betrayal. To make matters worse, when he looks at Harry then, he sees the rawness on Harry’s face too. _

_ “I’m going to be gone for months,” Harry replies. He keeps saying this, like Liam didn’t already know all of this, like Liam hadn’t already fortified himself for the months Harry will be away. This can’t be their breaking point, but Harry is beyond reasoning with. _

_ “We can make this work,” Liam says, almost too quiet. He hadn’t expected this. Harry had told him just that morning, as if on a whim, that he wanted to break things off. Liam can’t wrap his head around it, and with every item of clothing Harry packs, Liam’s heart breaks further. _

_ “I don’t see how,” Harry says, just as quiet. Liam can’t look at him anymore, the tears streaming now. There is no hope left; Harry had made his decision. _

_ Liam leaves the room, not bothering to hide his grief. He hopes Harry takes this image of him, breaking because of him, and it haunts him. Liam wants Harry to never forget the pain he caused, because Liam won’t forget it. _

_ Liam doesn’t know how long it’s been, but finally he hears the sound of Harry’s luggage on the hardwood floor, grating and unforgettable. _

_ The sound stops just behind him, but Liam doesn’t turn around. He can’t turn around. _

_ I _ _ t’s soft, and Liam doesn’t catch it at first, but the words don’t mollify any of it. “I’m sorry, Liam.” _

_ And then he’s gone. Gone, gone, gone. _

 

_ ~ _

 

Liam wants to feel rage. Six months later, and he just wants to feel the anger he knows he should feel. He wants to feel it course through his veins, have it overtake him and just let him feel something else, anything else but feeling like he’s drowning in his own sadness and heartache. He wants to rage and scream but instead all he keeps feeling is confusion, still asking himself why. Why did Harry leave? Why wasn’t Liam enough? Why did he move halfway across the world?

He knows he isn’t going to get the answers. He’s come to terms with that, but it doesn’t hurt any less. Sometimes he can feel his heartache crawl up his neck, blurring his vision in a sudden wave. He has to stop himself from wanting to scratch at it, like scratching will somehow ease the pain he feels encroaching itself onto his person.

He never thought he’d ever feel those emotions. He had thought he and Harry were going strong. He felt like things were finally right and that he’d found the one. Even now, months after it all ended, he still feels that way. He knows no one could ever touch how deep Harry had nestled into Liam’s whole entire life, into his very soul.

Louis tried to help him. He’d set him up on dates, had made Liam go to a boxing class to try and put his sorrow into something, but Liam’s efforts didn’t amount to anything productive. The boxing did help, but not enough. He was still left with this feeling that something had been snatched from him, that Harry had taken something special and almost precious from him.

He tries not to think about it much.

The day that Harry left, Liam was left bereft. He hadn’t been able to do much. He hadn’t left his apartment, hadn’t told Louis that he wasn’t coming in to the studio to work on their projects. He just curled on the sofa, where Harry’s scent wasn’t as strong as on the bed, and did nothing but cry on and off.

He couldn’t remember what time Louis came in, probably just a few hours after it happened, but what he does remember is Louis pounding on his door. He remembers Louis taking the keys he had given him for emergencies and opening the door to find Liam looking broken. Liam can only imagine how he’d looked, but he wants to forget all about that day. He doesn’t want to remember Harry’s words or face. He doesn’t want to remember just how fast his heart can break or how utterly lost he felt.

He still wants to feel the rage, but there is nothing left but sorrow. And he hates it.

 

~

 

_ “I can’t believe you wore black skinny jeans on a camping trip.” Liam smiles, darting his eyes over at Harry to see him smile and shrug. _

_ “I- did not plan accordingly.” Liam didn’t know how he knew this was going to happen but being Harry’s boyfriend for the last eleven months had truly just taught him that Harry was horrendous thinking ahead. _

_ “Lucky for you, I brought extra shorts. You’re going to strain your calves if you wear those while hiking.” _

_ “Hiking where,” Harry replies, looking over at Liam incredulously. _

_ “Harry, do you know where we are going?” _

_ “To Wales,” Harry says automatically. _

_ “Yes, but we are going to the Welsh mountain region,” Liam supplies, giving Harry a confused and worried look. “We’re gonna be hiking through Snowdonia.” _

_ Harry looks surprised, but suddenly his face breaks into a bright smile. “I’ve been wanting to go for ages.” _

_ “I know, and if you’d read my texts properly, you’d know that, you dolt.” Liam says, but it doesn’t have any bite, instead he says it with great affection. _

_ “I- must have read your texts too quickly.” Harry is sheepish as he tugs one of Liam’s hands and intertwines their fingers, “Thank you for this.” _

_ Liam smiles, bringing Harry's knuckles up to his lips, “For you? Anything. _

_ They set up their tent with a fair bit of struggle, neither of them having ever constructed one, and then they are off on the small hike Liam had planned for them.  _

_ The hills and mountains of Snowdonia roll around them, rocks and green grass covering most of the landscape. It leaves Liam with a want for trees, but he takes what he  _ _ can get. It’s just before sunset when they find their spot, their stomachs growling. _

_ “When we get back, can we drive somewhere to get proper food?” Harry asks, as he turns his flashlight at Liam. He is both serious and teasing, a small smirk playing on his lips like he knows Liam hasn’t planned on making them any food. _

_ Liam sends him a mock hurt look, but he ends up smiling despite himself, “Yeah. I don’t trust either of us to start a fire.” _

_ “I’m not that bad,” Harry replies, but he’s still nodding. _

_ Liam doesn’t say anything, but he takes Harry’s hand and lets his boy lean into him. They don’t have to wait long for the sun to disappear, the sunset beautiful against the clouds at the bottom of the horizon. When the sky goes dark, it doesn’t take long for them to see the stars begin to shine. They’re are so clear, there is no smog or light pollution to keep them from seeing it all. He thanks whatever divine being out there that the clouds from earlier have gone south. _

_ Before them is a sky full of shining dots, clear and bright and beautiful. White light standing out against a dark purple backdrop; patterns in the sky that Liam tries to make out. _

_ “That’s the north star,” Harry says, pointing to the brightest one above them. He turns to smile at Liam, soft and sweet. _

_ “Sirius A,” Liam replies, leaning closer to peck Harry’s cheek. “The brightest star in the night’s sky.” _

_ Harry breaks out into a wide grin, his pupils dilated against the darkness surrounding them and Liam feels a serene happiness. Pieces are falling together, creating a more complete image of his life, his future. He sees Harry there now, a shining fixture against the pieces still missing. Liam doesn’t want to ever forget this moment, where it’s just the two of them in the vast ridges of Snowdonia and the infinity of the universe; the two of them against the world. _

 

~

 

The first thing Liam forgets about Harry is his gentle touch. The sweet caresses and his soft wandering fingers, letting Liam know and feel his presence. The pads of his fingertips, the beginnings of calluses forming from playing Liam’s guitar, brushing against his lips in the morning; the lightness of his palm against Liam’s cheek after they've kissed. But not only touching with his hands, but also the feel of Harry’s skin against his, something he'd always thought would be forever ingrained in his memory.

The next thing he forgets is Harry’s voice. The careful firmness when he knows he's right or when he is being too stubborn for his own good. The graveled softness when he's just woken up to the gentle tone he uses with everyone else. Like everything they said mattered and his voice single handedly would confirm that notion for them. Liam forgets Harry’s voice because he can't make himself go back and watch the videos of them together, or of Harry alone. He can't face the fact that he'd left him and he was there all alone in London. He forgets the deep undertone which made him sound confident and soothing.

The final thing he forgets is the way Harry’s mere presence is calming. Harry could walk into the room and everything in it seemed to shift. Even when they were fighting, the second Harry was there Liam would feel the anger wash away. He doesn't know how to describe it, could never put it into words, because it wasn't divine or angelic, it was just a mere lightness in the air and Harry’s smell, like pine and slight sandalwood. He sometimes catches the smell on bits of old clothing he refuses to touch, ones he knew Harry loved to wear. It’s this calm lightness that Liam craves, even now, as he's forgotten how good it felt. He yearns to feel it again.

God, Liam fucking misses him.

He passes the little café they used to stop in every morning and he feels the weight of sad nostalgia beginning to seep into his blood. He looks at the bench by the little lake in Hyde Park that had seemed to be theirs, and only theirs, and he sees Harry laughing as he's sitting there beside him. It saddens him to realize that he's also forgotten Harry’s true laugh. He's sure it was a sound that is not as easily given as Harry’s smile.

He sits with their friends for lunch and parties, but none dare ask or talk about Harry. They all remembered just how devastated Liam been once he'd left. There is the fact that he hadn't made it out of bed those first few mornings, staying under covers until late in the afternoon only to rise and waste the rest of the day away on the couch. He'd slept so much in that bed that first week that Harry’s already faint smell was gone, a notion that made him cry the moment he'd realized it. They remembered how the dark circles under his eyes began after a week, because he refused to sleep anymore and threw himself into his work; his music. They noticed the journal he began to carry around, and the ink stains from pens he'd broken from gripping so hard. They remembered the way his eyes stayed moist, on the verge of tears, until it turned slowly into a hardness he hated to admit he'd developed.

And he can't seem to shake it. He can't seem to shake Harry from his mind because Harry had been so enriched in everything Liam’s done for the past two years that Liam can't find a rhythm without him. And damn it, he is trying.

 

_ ~ _

 

_ Liam is sleeping on the sofa when Harry comes home in a flurry of excited happiness. He barely registers much before Harry is in front of him, cupping Liam’s face between his hands. _

_ “I got the part!” _

_ Liam smiles and gives his muffled congratulations as Harry kisses him, too happy to really care that their teeth clinked together. _

_ “I’m so happy for you, baby,” Liam replies, moving to sit up so that he could pull Harry to be next to him. “I told you, you’d nailed the audition.” _

_ “I know, you were right. Thank you for believing in me,” Harry says, still breathless from running up the stairs to the apartment. _

_ “When do you leave for LA?” Liam asks, knowing that Harry was going to have to start training for it soon, as it was an action movie he had landed. _

_ “I leave in two weeks,” Harry says, an edge forming in his voice. “They say it’ll last six months.” _

_ Six months.  _

_ That was a long time. The most Harry had ever gone was two weeks, mostly because he did small indie films before, but this was big for him, this was going to help his career and Liam wasn’t going to feel bad about it. They  _ would _ make it work. _

_ “We’ll make it work, okay, Harry?” Liam says, smiling reassuringly at his boyfriend. _

_ Harry nods, the distant look in his eyes suddenly gone as he looks up at Liam with a brilliant smile. “We should go celebrate. You call Louis and I’ll call Niall and Zayn. I think it’s a great excuse for champagne.” _

_ Liam nods his agreement, smiling widely as he watches Harry walk away to make the phone call. Liam would make sure it’d be a celebration to remember.   _

 

_ ~ _

 

Louis looks at him with a little bit of apprehension, with his mouth opening and closing every few moment, like he doesn't know what he wanted to say. Liam watches him flounder for words but can't take much more of it. Liam knew what he looked like, he saw the hollowing of his cheeks and the dark circles. He hates how gruff his voice sounds and how his hair is careless and messy. He put on the sweatpants and hoodies that morning. He doesn't have to be told how much he needs to make a change, but he just couldn't bare it; still can’t bear any of it.

"Liam," Louis begins finally, causing Liam to lift his eyes from the untouched beer in front of him. "You've got to get a hold of yourself. This isn't healthy, mate."

Liam only nods, the movement careless and with no thought behind it. Louis had been careful before, to not mention Harry around Liam, and Liam appreciates that more than ever.

"Liam, I'm serious," Louis says sharply. "Your mum said it was bad, but fuck, how could you let it become this bad? You're the most careful and prepared person I know."

Liam stares at Louis for a long moment, the full impact of his words hitting in small waves. "I don't know." It was the only response he can manage.

"Well get it together, for fucks sake. If not for your own health and mind, then for Karen's, for mine. You're staying at mine tonight. You need to stop sulking and working yourself to death. I just...Liam, this has gone too far for far too long." 

But it hadn’t had it? It’s only been a month and a half, but to Liam it felt much, much longer.

"I'm fine, Louis." His voice is low, and the tears were beginning to form. God, why can’t he stop fucking crying?

"No, you're clearly not. Don't bullshit me on this, okay? I've known you for too long. Don't insult me or yourself with that kind of shit."

"Louis, I'm fine," he says again, this time gritting his teeth together.

"Yeah, okay. You're still staying at mine tonight because I don't trust you to feed yourself," Louis grunts, motioning for the waiter. He orders Liam a burger and fries, his eyes flashing when Liam makes a move to tell the waiter to forget it. Liam stays silent, the pit of his stomach feeling the hunger and pain fully. But he's grateful for Louis, though he'd never admit it out loud for his friend to hear. He needs the emotional crutch Louis offers him, the olive branch to start fresh.

To stop the despair and start feeling light again.

~

 

He's still gone, he's still gone,  _ he's still gone _ .

 

~

 

_ It's sunny outside for once and the air smells like autumn, with the crisp falling leaves and the air getting a bit sharper in its bite. His fingertips are cold but his palm isn't, as Harry grips it firmly. Liam looks at his smile, wide and dimpled and content and they stroll slowly along the path with the trees arching beside them. They're in Green Park, warm lattes in hand and it's just nice. _

_ He's at peace with Harry by his side. _

_ They walk in a comfortable silence, the world growing smaller and warmer with every step. There is nowhere he'd rather be, and no one he'd rather be with. He looks at Harry, his lips pouting as he looks around thoughtfully and Liam realizes it with a pang. _

_ He loves him. _

_ Ardently and unequivocally loves him. _

_ The realization reaches him in his toes and he feels it in his teeth, causing him to stop suddenly. This kind of love, this kind is new to him. _

_ "You alright, Liam?" Harry asks, stepping back to stand by him, squeezing his hand to ground him. Harry looks at him in worry, a crease forming between his eyes. God, he loves that little crease. _

_ Liam looks at Harry and focuses, smiling as big as he can and nods. "I am, love." _

_ Harry gives him a sparkling smile and Liam gives a nod in confirmation he feels. He's in love with Harry and Liam was his. _

_ ~ _

"Liam," he hears from beside him, ripping him from his thoughts. "Liam, love, it's time to go now."

Karen looks down at him and smooths out his hair, moving it out of his eyes as he sits up from slouching against the sofa. He's home for the holidays, and it's almost six months since he'd seen him. Just one week before Harry was supposed to come back.

He's doing better, eating and exercising more and not having to check in with Louis anymore. He tried to get back into dating, going to the bar down the street from his apartment with Louis, but the two dates he manages to go to don’t amount to anything. He realizes he’s just not ready for anything yet, even just something casual.

He wants quiet. He covets it. He wants domesticity and a sense of togetherness that just seems so far out of his grasp. He wants to settle down, start a family, and at 26 he feels his hope cracking with the possibility that he might not get it. Which is stupid, even he knows that he's got a long while to go before he should be having a family of his own, but it doesn't stop him from wanting it and losing optimism over it.

And now he sits with his mum in the car, going to a holiday party where he knows she’ll try to get him to mingle and nudge him in the direction of the people there, and he can't face it. But he does it anyways, because it makes the worry lines on his mum’s forehead flatten and the slight purse of his lips to smooth out. He can do one night of holiday mingling, because he's been trained for that. And even as he goes home, his soul seemingly empty, he sees his mother smile and it's enough for the empty pit in his stomach to fill just enough.

 

~

 

He finds himself on the balcony of his apartment at two in the morning, his head up as he looks at the starry skies, a rarity with how much cloud coverage London gets. It reminds him bitterly of that night in Snowdonia, where the world seemed so vast but he was there with Harry and everything was alright. He’d been drinking, and he’d stared down at Harry’s contact information. He doesn’t know how it happened; hadn’t realized his thumb was hovering over the call button, but suddenly he’s calling Harry at nearly two in the morning. The rings sound like cannons in his hears, the weight of what he’s doing in his drunken state coming too late as the ringing stops.

“Liam?”

It’s a shock, a bolt of electricity surging through him rooting him in place. Six months without hearing Harry’s voice, and the first word Liam hears from him is his own name. Liam is sure Harry can hear his breathing, because he has to gulp in the air to try and calm himself down.

There is silence then, after Liam’s breath begins to slow and it doesn’t feel like he is suffocating anymore. Liam has no idea what to say, is surprised that the alcohol in his system hasn’t prompted him to babble like a heart sick fool.

“I miss you.” Liam hears, loud enough that it seems to echo against the silence around the balcony. It’s like a knife into all the progress Liam had made, tearing every bit to shreds. So, Liam says the words he hopes tears at Harry.

“I love you.” Liam replies, and then he hangs up. He feels the tears begin to fall and a burning sensation choke its way up his throat. He should never had called because he’s back at zero again.

 

~

 

The next day, Liam wakes up at noon, his face feeling numb and his eyes feeling puffy and dry. He can feel the dryness in his throat and the headache hammering away in his head, and he feels the full effects of his mistake from the night before.

It comes back to him in waves; the bitter drinking, the phone call, the tears afterwards. He remembers the way that Harry’s voice had caught when he said he missed Liam and everything feels like it’s falling again. He’d been doing so good, he’d made progress, had forgotten so much, but it was all for naught.

He forces himself to get out of bed, the dehydration becoming too painful to bear. He forces himself to drink two glasses of water, wincing when he sets the glass down a little too hard. He doesn’t bother checking his phone as it is Saturday and he doesn’t want to deal with anyone that day.

But then, just like the world is against him, there is a knock on his front door. He opens it too quickly, half expecting it to be Louis or some delivery man, but it’s neither. Instead, before him, is Harry. He blinks twice, because he’s certain his mind is playing tricks on him, but each time he opens his eyes Harry is still standing before him, looking as broken and uncertain as Liam himself.

It’s a minute of silence, where they just look at each other, Liam in his shock and Harry in his uncertainty.

“Can I come in?” Harry asks, motioning nervously behind Liam. Of all the words Liam had expected, it hadn’t been that, and this grounds Liam back into reality.

A part of Liam wants to say no, but the bigger part of him screams yes. So, he steps aside, letting Harry through the door and into the home that used to be theirs.

Harry walks around the living area awkwardly, and Liam knows he notices that there isn’t much that had changed. The answer to the unasked question is simple: Liam just hadn’t had the energy to change anything.

The few minutes of silence are unbearable, and Liam says the first thing that comes to mind on why Harry might be there. 

“Louis had your stuff put into boxes and I have them in the guest bedroom for you, if that’s what you came for.”

Liam sees Harry visibly cringe, feeling just a little satisfied that that notion hurt Harry just as much as it hurt him.

“That’s not,” Harry pauses, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before continuing, “that’s not why I’m here.”

“Then why? Why are you here, Harry?” Liam asks, his voice surprisingly strong against the onslaught of emotions he’s feeling. He’s looking at Harry fully now, taking in everything that Harry has to offer. He’s wearing sweatpants and a coat, his Nike’s looking wet from the rain-soaked pavement outside. He also has a travel duffle bag, one with an airplane tag on it, meaning that Harry had just come from the airport. When Liam looks into Harry’s eyes, he’s looking back at him with a sort of nervous desperation, like he might be sick at any moment. Liam feels the same.

“I made the biggest mistake of my life six months ago,” Harry begins, his hands being wrung before him. “I- I don’t know what I was thinking, hell I don’t even know if I was thinking. Breaking things off with you, broke my heart and I’ve regretted it every single day since.”

Liam doesn’t say anything, but he can feel the tears begin to sting his eyes. He watches as Harry looks away from Liam, as if he’s searching for the right words to say to him

“How do I fix this, Liam?” Harry asks, stepping closer. Liam doesn’t move, and Harry takes this as good sign and steps forward again, but he stops two feet away. “How do I fix us?”

“I...I don’t know,” Liam says finally.

“I need to fix this. I have to fix this.” Liam opens his eyes to see Harry bite his lip, a single tear rolling down his cheek. Liam nods, feeling too tired as hope and apprehension grips at him. It’s almost too much to hope that Harry had been just as broken as Liam had been, all those miles away in California.

“I fucked up, Liam. I fucked up so badly. I was so stupidly afraid of my emotions for you. I left, and it was my biggest mistake.” Harry still hasn’t come any closer, his hands gripping his duffel bag so hard his knuckles pale. “I thought that leaving would help. Nothing helped, it only made things worse. It was like I ripped a part of myself, something in me turned dark. And I’m so sorry, Liam. I’m a fucking fool.”

Louis would hate him for what Liam does next, but he can’t find it in him to care. He approaches Harry – seeing the wetness on his cheeks he knows is mirrored on his own – and places his hand on the back of Harry's neck to pull him down so their foreheads are touching. “I won’t make it easy, Harry. You shattered me.”

He feels Harry nod, his breath coming out shaky, “You should make me grovel.”

“Among other things,” Liam replies. He tries to laugh, but it comes out strangled. He feels Harry’s tears drip onto his cheek, and he feels his chest tighten. “No more secrets, no more side stepping our emotions. If we do this again, you’ve got to talk to me. Really talk to me.” Liam looks up to watch as Harry swallows heavily. He finally knows that this was all because Harry couldn’t communicate with Liam, hadn’t trusted Liam with his heart. If they did this again, they were going to give each other their all. It wouldn’t happen quickly – they’d have to work on it. But they had to try. They had to be honest with each other.

Liam had to give them a second chance, because life was presenting them a new beginning and Liam wasn’t going to let it pass them by.

“I promise you, Liam, I’m going to try my hardest to be worthy of your love again. I don’t deserve this second chance, but I thank every divine being you’re giving it to me.”

Liam knows the way forward will be slow. They’ll be skittish around each other at first, afraid of making the wrong turn that might tip everything over the edge. But then they’ll find their rhythm again, the beating of their hearts identical against their rib cages, and everything will fall back into place.

Harry would learn to share his emotions, his communication being key to their moving forward. Liam will have to learn to read Harry better, to know when to push for things like he should’ve pushed for a better explanation to Harry leaving that first time. They had never stopped loving one another, and those six months apart would be the largest bump they would have to face together. Liam had always known Harry was his beginning, middle, and end. And he hadn’t been wrong. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed that! It's been a while since I've written something I've liked and this one felt really good to write out! I'd like to thank Nat for looking this over and being a great last minute beta. I'm hoping we caught all the mistakes I might have made, but if y'all see anything wrong let me know and I will fix it asap.  
> Happy Birthday Harry, sorry I made you suffer in this story.  
> Let me know your thoughts, and as always you can follow me on tumblr [softlyziall](http://softlyziall.tumblr.com/)


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